Nietzsche and the Benedictines

I was working with a group of children in a school and a child pushed ahead of the other to be at the front of the line. The child whose position had been usurped, didn't put up much of a struggle despite the injustice and their clear frustration. As the adult in the situation, I sent the child who had taken the position at the front to the back of the line as punishment for his selfishness.

However, this little incidence carries a great deal of weight, and I even noticed it at the time. If I followed Nietzsche's concepts as I understand them, I would have remained silent, if not applauded the child who pushed ahead for following his natural instincts, for not denying his self-centeredness. I would have looked at the child who was now second in line and hoped that some day he would learn how to fight back. When you look at our world, it appears as though those at the very top are those who haven't minded stepping on a few toes, even feet, actually shooting off legs to get ahead. In the animal world, it is kill or be killed, frequently brutal, and what is it about our humanness that makes us so removed? Nietzsche believed that the whole Judeo-Christian concept asked us to turn against our natural instincts which is to strive, to fight, to be kind, but only in as much as it serves our needs and desires. To live well, one must be powerful.

On the other hand, I am reading a book called The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris. This author goes to stay with the Benedictine monks who are significantly more liberal than the traditional monks of my rather limited experience. The basic concept, again as much as I have come to understand it so far, is that we are living in a world of inflated self importance (which would perhaps shake its head at the whole blogging phenomenon). This order of monks lives communally, and the good of the community always takes precedence to that of the individual. The author exemplifies this point in that she asked one of the monks how he liked his eggs cooked. He smiled because he had rarely had to think of his preference. He ate what the community had eaten. The bigger picture to this concept is that when we live such entitled and individually catered lives, we lose the ability to distinguish those things that we need from those things that we desire. There are things in this world that matter, but our preferences are not among them.

Like nearly everyone I know, I went through a phase where I was actively trying to "find myself". I began my search by trying to find what music or movies I liked despite how others felt about them. I attempted to define myself with a variety of adjectives and anecdotes I would put on a My Space profile page.

However, in light of this reading, it seems that we are defined not so much by our tastes. In fact, those things are given little importance at all, but rather, it is our ability to contribute to the community on whole. This is not to say that those who are sick or old have no purpose. All are a part of something much bigger and are treated with the respect that comes along with that.

Perhaps the clearest distinction between these two seemingly very opposite modes of thought is Nietzsche's proposal that "God is dead," in contrast to the Benedictine assertion that God indeed exists and so you must live according to your "call". Where do you fit in? How can you contribute to your fellow man, woman, and child? It is unfair for me to say this because I am not nearly educated enough on either concept, but it seems the extreme of Nietzsche's ideas would lead to Hitler's Germany and the Benedictine's extreme would lead to, well, the order of the Benedictine monks which to an outsider, has cult-like undercurrents.

If my pseudo-philosophical deductions carry any weight, then I suppose at my core I am more Theist than Atheist because, after all, I sent the kid to the back of the line.

I find it relieving that uncovering the mystery of "who I am" is irrelevant in comparison to my impact. The whole identity question was frustratingly elusive.