Nietzsche and the Benedictines

I was working with a group of children in a school and a child pushed ahead of the other to be at the front of the line. The child whose position had been usurped, didn't put up much of a struggle despite the injustice and their clear frustration. As the adult in the situation, I sent the child who had taken the position at the front to the back of the line as punishment for his selfishness.

However, this little incidence carries a great deal of weight, and I even noticed it at the time. If I followed Nietzsche's concepts as I understand them, I would have remained silent, if not applauded the child who pushed ahead for following his natural instincts, for not denying his self-centeredness. I would have looked at the child who was now second in line and hoped that some day he would learn how to fight back. When you look at our world, it appears as though those at the very top are those who haven't minded stepping on a few toes, even feet, actually shooting off legs to get ahead. In the animal world, it is kill or be killed, frequently brutal, and what is it about our humanness that makes us so removed? Nietzsche believed that the whole Judeo-Christian concept asked us to turn against our natural instincts which is to strive, to fight, to be kind, but only in as much as it serves our needs and desires. To live well, one must be powerful.

On the other hand, I am reading a book called The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris. This author goes to stay with the Benedictine monks who are significantly more liberal than the traditional monks of my rather limited experience. The basic concept, again as much as I have come to understand it so far, is that we are living in a world of inflated self importance (which would perhaps shake its head at the whole blogging phenomenon). This order of monks lives communally, and the good of the community always takes precedence to that of the individual. The author exemplifies this point in that she asked one of the monks how he liked his eggs cooked. He smiled because he had rarely had to think of his preference. He ate what the community had eaten. The bigger picture to this concept is that when we live such entitled and individually catered lives, we lose the ability to distinguish those things that we need from those things that we desire. There are things in this world that matter, but our preferences are not among them.

Like nearly everyone I know, I went through a phase where I was actively trying to "find myself". I began my search by trying to find what music or movies I liked despite how others felt about them. I attempted to define myself with a variety of adjectives and anecdotes I would put on a My Space profile page.

However, in light of this reading, it seems that we are defined not so much by our tastes. In fact, those things are given little importance at all, but rather, it is our ability to contribute to the community on whole. This is not to say that those who are sick or old have no purpose. All are a part of something much bigger and are treated with the respect that comes along with that.

Perhaps the clearest distinction between these two seemingly very opposite modes of thought is Nietzsche's proposal that "God is dead," in contrast to the Benedictine assertion that God indeed exists and so you must live according to your "call". Where do you fit in? How can you contribute to your fellow man, woman, and child? It is unfair for me to say this because I am not nearly educated enough on either concept, but it seems the extreme of Nietzsche's ideas would lead to Hitler's Germany and the Benedictine's extreme would lead to, well, the order of the Benedictine monks which to an outsider, has cult-like undercurrents.

If my pseudo-philosophical deductions carry any weight, then I suppose at my core I am more Theist than Atheist because, after all, I sent the kid to the back of the line.

I find it relieving that uncovering the mystery of "who I am" is irrelevant in comparison to my impact. The whole identity question was frustratingly elusive.

Fictional Goals

I have been grappling with something for a few weeks now. Alfred Adler, a personality/psychology theorist, proposed that human beings have "fictional goals" which we all attempt to achieve, only to be satisfied for a while, and then replaced with new fictional goals. The major identifier to these goals is that we assume everything will be great, just perfect if they are achieved, there will be no more use for striving. It is like when we allow ourselves to dream of what it would be like if we won the lottery. If I could just get this job. If I could just fit into these jeans. Once I own a home... It's not like we become unhappy we met the goals. Rather, it might be unbearable to think of going back to a life where such and such was not accomplished, but enough is never enough.

I just finished reading "The Good Earth" by Pearl S. Buck about a peasant farmer who lives a life that begins in abject poverty and a series of goals follow. I hesitate to say too much because the beauty of the book for me was in not knowing whether he would be successful in his quests or perhaps how successful he may become. Regardless, the restlessness, the constant desire for peace, the yearning for something is a theme that resonates with me right now. If I really assessed it, it is probably because I have had a few weeks that were rather slow. I don't do well with boredom, so even in the midst of my lounging, I've worked to create some commentary on life.

I digress. In addition to "The Good Earth", I saw the movie "Revolutionary Road" which is, for me at least, a similar theme. This couple decides that they are going to take this bold leap and move to Paris to find themselves. Joy overtakes them and then finally, when plans change, they feel trapped and forced to take life on its own terms. But I still believe that Paris would have brought with it its own challenges and quests. Maybe it would have still been worth it for this couple in the movie, but it is not like the Parisians were going to teach them how to live a fulfilled life full of joy and comfort forever.

When all of this was first on my mind, I was hit with something of a depression with the meaninglessness of it all, but in the last week I have been in contact with several people in significantly rough situations. Many of these folks, I come in contact with via my work, but those in my personal life have not gone untouched, and I find myself grateful, appreciative, for the season I am currently in, knowing that it is but a season and there is plenty more good and bad to come.

The problem, however, is with these fictional goals which I think are a consequence of our Western indulgence. Murray, another psych theorist, proposed we have levels of needs. The most basic be safety/security needs like food, shelter, sex (for the continuance of the species) on up to self-actualization, whom few ever actually achieve. Those who are said to have achieved it are people like Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., Jesus, etc. However, in America, there was hardly a struggle for the basic needs to be met since the day we were born, relationship needs are met through family, and then we are left to wonder, what next?

I've always thought that humanity was neither good or bad at its root, but rather, self-centered, which is what it is. I think within everyone there is a striving for satisfaction, for fulfillment, for meaning, for ease, but it is a vaporous and phantasmic goal.

So what then? My conclusion has been to be appreciative for that which we can be appreciative, but not to hold on to anything too tightly. At the same time, find those things that mean the most to you, and hold on as tight as you can always remembering that the other stuff is simply a diversion that will entertain you for a while, but only a while. I imagine, too, it is important to learn that as we strive for our goals, we do what we can to enjoy the effort since the mountaintop experience will only last a while, and that the experience is quickly replaced by the other mountain in the distance. Perhaps there is peace for the restlessness if we can truly learn how to appreciate what we have. This striving appears to be both the blessing and curse of humanity.