Fictional Goals

I have been grappling with something for a few weeks now. Alfred Adler, a personality/psychology theorist, proposed that human beings have "fictional goals" which we all attempt to achieve, only to be satisfied for a while, and then replaced with new fictional goals. The major identifier to these goals is that we assume everything will be great, just perfect if they are achieved, there will be no more use for striving. It is like when we allow ourselves to dream of what it would be like if we won the lottery. If I could just get this job. If I could just fit into these jeans. Once I own a home... It's not like we become unhappy we met the goals. Rather, it might be unbearable to think of going back to a life where such and such was not accomplished, but enough is never enough.

I just finished reading "The Good Earth" by Pearl S. Buck about a peasant farmer who lives a life that begins in abject poverty and a series of goals follow. I hesitate to say too much because the beauty of the book for me was in not knowing whether he would be successful in his quests or perhaps how successful he may become. Regardless, the restlessness, the constant desire for peace, the yearning for something is a theme that resonates with me right now. If I really assessed it, it is probably because I have had a few weeks that were rather slow. I don't do well with boredom, so even in the midst of my lounging, I've worked to create some commentary on life.

I digress. In addition to "The Good Earth", I saw the movie "Revolutionary Road" which is, for me at least, a similar theme. This couple decides that they are going to take this bold leap and move to Paris to find themselves. Joy overtakes them and then finally, when plans change, they feel trapped and forced to take life on its own terms. But I still believe that Paris would have brought with it its own challenges and quests. Maybe it would have still been worth it for this couple in the movie, but it is not like the Parisians were going to teach them how to live a fulfilled life full of joy and comfort forever.

When all of this was first on my mind, I was hit with something of a depression with the meaninglessness of it all, but in the last week I have been in contact with several people in significantly rough situations. Many of these folks, I come in contact with via my work, but those in my personal life have not gone untouched, and I find myself grateful, appreciative, for the season I am currently in, knowing that it is but a season and there is plenty more good and bad to come.

The problem, however, is with these fictional goals which I think are a consequence of our Western indulgence. Murray, another psych theorist, proposed we have levels of needs. The most basic be safety/security needs like food, shelter, sex (for the continuance of the species) on up to self-actualization, whom few ever actually achieve. Those who are said to have achieved it are people like Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., Jesus, etc. However, in America, there was hardly a struggle for the basic needs to be met since the day we were born, relationship needs are met through family, and then we are left to wonder, what next?

I've always thought that humanity was neither good or bad at its root, but rather, self-centered, which is what it is. I think within everyone there is a striving for satisfaction, for fulfillment, for meaning, for ease, but it is a vaporous and phantasmic goal.

So what then? My conclusion has been to be appreciative for that which we can be appreciative, but not to hold on to anything too tightly. At the same time, find those things that mean the most to you, and hold on as tight as you can always remembering that the other stuff is simply a diversion that will entertain you for a while, but only a while. I imagine, too, it is important to learn that as we strive for our goals, we do what we can to enjoy the effort since the mountaintop experience will only last a while, and that the experience is quickly replaced by the other mountain in the distance. Perhaps there is peace for the restlessness if we can truly learn how to appreciate what we have. This striving appears to be both the blessing and curse of humanity.