This is it.

So, it appears as though all I needed was what I felt like I needed. I needed company, good conversation, Leaves of Grass by Whitman, time with my husband, some lazy, restful days, amazing food and apparently a few white Christmas lights in my living room.

This, is what life is made of. When I find myself feeling restless, I've tried to tell myself, over and over, "This is it. This is your life." If I am always looking ahead, just waiting, I will miss this.

When I have a child I will trade this restlessness for lack of rest. So. This is it. For now. And it has to be enough because this is all there is.

American Beauty
At the end of a man's life, he narrarates:

"I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday."

Spoiler Alert. If you haven't seen this movie, don't watch the clip: