Vow of Poverty

Okay. This title is too dramatic, but I was compelled to use it. I hesitate to write about this because I am a firm believer in not talking about things until you know they're going to happen. That way you don't appear wishy washy, but I'm trying to work something out...

My husband would like to take a year off from work in the traditional sense to pursue a dream. Hmm. Some days I can be excited about this, other days... not as much. Let me explain.

THE DREAM
My husband has a project he would like to work on that requires flexibility. This project would bring in no income within the year but has the potential to bring in some income in the future, although I have no knowledge of even a remote amount to wish for. There is also the risk that absolutely nothing would come from it. At the same time, my husband would have time to complete other goals faster and surround himself with contacts and an environment that could hopefully put him in position to further himself professionally. I can say that I believe enough in the dream to not feel like I am humoring him if we move forward in this way. It's not like he's trying to play for the NFL or anything. The progress he is hoping for is within the realm of possibility, as much as I understand it anyway.

THE PROBLEM
I don't make a ton of money. I make okay money, but definitely not a lot. In order for us to accomplish a year off, we would have to revert back to what it was like when we first married. We're talking any purchase over $20 is up for discussion. A nice dinner is something we prepare for a month in advance. I would HAVE to work after my full time job about 6-8 hours more. This is something I've done in the past and was prepared to do again this year but because I WANTED to and not because we couldn't pay bills if we didn't, because I wanted more money to pay for his 30th birthday present.

Also, I would like to have a child and that would probably be put off for another year.

We currently live in luxury apartments (which we probably wouldn't have done if we had known this was on the table). We would move to an apartment and pay literally half what we pay now in rent, which means an entirely different environment.

It is possible my mother may at any time need financial help from us, not to mention other possibilities like needing a new car or whatever other kinds of emergencies.

There is the potential for resentment. Knowing my husband is home, sleeping in on a rainy morning, while I head out for a 12 hour day. He may have worked like a dog the week before but that day, well, that day will be difficult.

THE COOL THING
Whenever you don't have a lot, you appreciate everything. The early years of our marriage, Christmas was always so great because we got things we really needed but denied ourselves. Getting an expensive apple at Central Market was a treat. When you aren't painfully frustrated by the limited options, it does provide a really great perspective.

He would be home and I'm going to assume, really happy a lot of the time. I love hanging out with my husband when he's happy. Because he would be home more, he would also have a lot of "home" duties meaning I wouldn't have to do nearly as much housework (which I hate).

I think it could be empowering to support the both of us.

Although we would be poor again, we would have savings as a cushion (unlike when we were first married) and nearly everything we could need (ie. furniture, decor, etc.)

My husband could never say, I wish I would have...

It really could benefit us in the long run.

FINAL THOUGHTS
So, I think the first time he brought this up, I laughed at him, but then I thought more about it. The first year we were married, I didn't work full time because I was in school. I have two friends who have husbands who supported them as they quite their very necessary full time positions to pursue their own photography business. I have another friend who is living in a tiny apartment in another town to support her boyfriend who has gone back to undergrad for an education in a difficult industry at 28.

Spouses do this for each other. We could do this. The real question is what will I do when I return home after a long hard day and my husband is still wearing the shorts I left him sleeping in that morning? How will I feel as I hand the keys to the granite countertops and hardwood floors back to the management here to go to plastic tile and the 20th coat of paint on the wall? Can I keep the right perspective when I tell my friend I can't come to dinner with her that night because we just can't afford it?

I think, deep down, I know that I can do this, and may even want to do this. I just remember what it was like to be so financially stretched and am not eager to return.

Your thoughts are welcomed.